I want to have Sarah Palin’s baby

by Julia Gorin [pundit, comedian]

I don’t mean that in a romantic way. I’m talking about Trig. How cute is he! No doubt even the most avid pro-abortionist was thinking as much when little Trig was on the convention stage with the rest of the Palin family. I wouldn’t be surprised if Palin’s choice started a new fad: Everyone is going to want to get themselves a Down Syndrome baby—a breed that’s almost extinct, with 80 to 90 percent of pregnancies being terminated when the prenatal test shows Down.

As mother of a Down Syndrome child Patricia Bauer wrote in the Washington Post in 2004: “Prenatal testing is making your right to abort a disabled child more like ‘your duty’ to abort a disabled child? At a dinner party not long ago, I was seated next to the director of an Ivy League ethics program. In answer to another guest’s question, he said he believes that prospective parents have a moral obligation to undergo prenatal testing and to terminate their pregnancy to avoid bringing forth a child with a disability, because it was immoral to subject a child to the kind of suffering he or she would have to endure.”

Well no more. In fact, now that the country has had a taste of Trig, people are going to be aborting if the baby doesn’t have Down Syndrome. The Special Olympics will be more watched than the unspecial Olympics (though they won’t likely ever happen in Beijing, where a limp can keep a student from getting accepted into a good college).

In fact, if hypothetically I were to have sex with my husband in the next eight years, I could very well end up with a Down Syndrome baby of my own. My relatives keep warning me about that when they try to scare me into having kids before the age of 40:

“Your eggs will dry up!”

“Your uterus will fall out!”

“You’ll be an old woman!”

“You won’t be able to take care of children!”

“They’ll be retarded!”

I answer: So what?! The way I see it, any kid is going to be a pain in the behind and is physically exhausting, what with the chasing around a parent has to do as a constant spotter for the child, whose primary directive is to get himself or herself killed in the first six years of life. So if I get one that’s a little slow, that’s less chasing around I’ll have to do. It’ll be perfect: I’ll be retired and the kid’ll be retarded. Between the time I throw the Frisbee and the time the kid retrieves it, I can get all my napping in. And I can still become a stage mom and force the kid to live out my dreams for me. Just look at Corky from “Life Goes On.” That’s right — we’ve been killing off Corky, that lovable, tenacious TV character. At least that kid had an acting career, which is more than I can say for myself. I’ve never passed an audition, but the Down kid did.
I’ll tell you what they should have a prenatal test for — to see if a baby is allergic to nuts. That’s some defective stuff right there. At least a Down Syndrome kid isn’t going to die from a peanut. Who ever heard of dropping dead from a Planters? Every dessert has traces of nuts. Not being able to eat dessert?! Now there’s a handicap for life. Is that a life worth living?

Palin must have enjoyed hearing the Left-propelled rumors that Trig was actually her teenage daughter’s baby. Everyone knows that chances of having a Down baby increase to 25% after age 40, so how could anyone doubt the baby belonged to 44 year-old Palin rather than 17 year-old Bristol? What Palin may not know is that having a baby after the age of 40 — whether it’s your first or fifth child and whether it’s disabled or not — seriously diminishes the unpleasant symptoms associated with menopause. The relatives and medical books don’t tell you that, do they?! I had to find it out in Spanish from three Peruvian sisters at a barbecue. This was later confirmed to me by an aunt who otherwise disagrees with everything I say.

So Sarah Palin is one lady who can look forward to not having hot flashes interrupt important vice-presidential meetings—without worrying about getting cancer from the hormone-laden drugs every other menopausal female is prescribed.

The woman is an all-around inspiration to women like me, who are putting off the maternity ward until we’re in the geriatrics ward. And if the prenatal test shows Down, I’m down with it. But if the test shows a peanut allergy? ExileStreet

Pundit, comedian and opinionist Julia Gorin is proprietor of www.JuliaGorin.com and is a contributing editor to www.JewishWorldReview.com. See Julia on the web at:

copyright 2008 Julia Gorin

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