by Burt Prelutsky [scriptwriter]

In all of history, so far as I’m aware, there had only been two famous tea parties.  At the first one, Samuel Adams and a few of his freedom-loving friends pitched several crates of tea into Boston Harbor.  The second was the one Lewis Carroll wrote about, a madcap affair with the March Hare, the mad Hatter and the narcoleptic Dormouse, ganging up to give Alice a hard time.

All of that changed on the 15th of April, when a series of tea parties took place all across America.  Even I, who try to avoid crowds, attended a gathering here in the San Fernando Valley.

If you believe the creeps in the MSM — and why would you? — we were all dues-paying members of political fringe groups, and none of us would think about leaving the house without first donning our little aluminum hats. If you believe Janet Napolitano — and how could you? — we were not merely man-created disasters like Somali pirates and Islamic butchers, but full-fledged terrorists.  Some among us even confessed to being military veterans.

Well, either she is very wrong or I am.  To me, the 3,000 people who showed up at the Van Nuys Civic Center looked like pretty decent, average Americans.  But, not being the head of Homeland Security, I can’t claim to be an expert when it comes to spotting terrorists.  Heck, all I know is that when I look at the likes of Charles Schumer, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Barbara Boxer, Harry Reid, Patrick Leahy, Henry Waxman, Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Lee, my blood runs cold, and when I hear Barack Obama pushing his socialist agenda and reaching out to the likes of Castro, Chavez and Ahmadinejad, the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck.  It’s like watching one of those really creepy movies, but instead of all the scary stuff taking place on Elm Street, it occurs on Pennsylvania Avenue.

At the get-together I attended, we were rallied, aroused and amused, by such speakers as comedian Evan Sayet, actress Morgan Brittany and talk show host Kevin James.  In fact, my only problem with the event, aside from my decision to wear tennis shorts on a night the temperature dipped into the low 50s, was that the entire focus was on Obama’s insane fiscal policy.  I in no way wish to suggest that the bail-outs, the budget and the so-called stimulus package, don’t remind me of something Dr. Frankenstein would have cobbled together in the castle’s basement if his master plan, like Obama’s, had been to destroy capitalism.

However, there are so many other things about the man and his mission that I find terrifying, I hate to have us so busy concentrating on his left hand while, with his right, he muzzles the conservative media; destroys our missile defense capability; funnels funds to ACORN, AmeriCorps and Hamas; nationalizes the banks and takes control of the automotive industry; and, for good measure, discusses nuclear disarmament with Russia while trusting the U.N. to deal with Iran and North Korea.

So, while I regard Obama’s plan to use the tax code to impoverish productive Americans while using tax rebates to bribe those who don’t even pay income taxes as a vile left-wing plot, I’d hate to have my fellow conservatives so completely focused on this one area that they fail to see all the other tricks this con artist has up his sleeve.

Something that has bothered me over the years is the way the lamebrains in the left-stream media invariably turn into unlicensed shrinks whenever a Republican is in the White House, but toss a dust cover over the couch as soon as he’s replaced by a Democrat.

For instance, how many times did we hear liberals babbling about the psychological demons George W. Bush had to contend with because of his allegedly troubled relationship with Dad?  But the fact that Bill Clinton’s father was a drunken bully apparently left no emotional scars on Bill’s impenetrable psyche.  Furthermore, I have yet to hear such eminent Freudians as Bill Maher, Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, Frank Rich or Keith Olbermann, even suggest that being deserted by both his father and his step-father, spending his formative years in the alien culture of Indonesia, only to be dumped, at the age of 10, on his white relatives in Hawaii, may have turned Obama into a smooth-talking, narcissistic psychopath incapable of telling the truth even if it’s about something as relatively inconsequential as sending his kids to a public school and getting them a mutt from a shelter.

Now, of course, I’m not saying he is any of those things.  But don’t you think if he had wound up after experiencing all that early trauma as somebody who believed in a free market economy; in supporting Israel against the barbarians; in opposing late-term abortions; in calling terrorism by its rightful name; in attending a church that had more in common with Rick Warren’s than with Jeremiah Wright’s; and in sharing the Constitutional interpretations of Justices Roberts, Alito, Thomas and Scalia, the media would have long ago concluded that even if he wasn’t exactly the Manchurian Candidate, he was definitely a booby who needed to be hatched? ExileStreet

copyright 2009 Burt Prelutsky

Television scriptwriter, former humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine.

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