On the Bright Side ?

by Julia Gorin [pundit, comedian]

The joyful African-Americans cheering the Obama victory across the country haven’t been this happy since O.J. got acquitted. As we speak, Obama’s Kenyan relatives are slaughtering bulls, goats and a chicken in honor of the victory. (And we thought Jimmy Carter had some embarrassing relatives.) A London Times reporter came bearing the gift of a sacrificial goat named John.

So black people voted for Barack Obama because they think he’s black. Muslims supported Obama becausethey think he’s Muslim. Gays voted for Obama because he’s rumored to be gay. And of course Democrats voted for Obama because he’s a communist. Meanwhile, with a recent TV ad featuring exclusively Obama’s white relatives, the campaign wanted white people to vote for Obama because he’s white

But for me, the biggest issue is the unchecked Islamization that America is embracing as Europe did. And historically, only two forces have been able to keep down Islamists: communism and secular Muslim dictators such as Saddam Hussein. In Barack Hussein we have the best of both worlds, a phenomenon one might call Communislam. Since the West doesn’t know how to keep Islamists down — and Muslims will only put up with being kept down by one of their own — an Obama dictatorship may not be the worst of all scenarios.

None of what follows means to bolster the “Manchurian” smear that Obama has handily disproved (after all, the Manchurian candidate’s programming was to get switched on upon his assuming office, while Obama’s programming has been switched on the entire time.) But even though many want us to believe that Obama’s Muslimness is just “internet rumor,” this 1968 school registration indicates little Barry’s religion as Islam. Later, he gravitated toward an anti-American, anti-white, anti-Jewish church that praises Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan. Given that the candidate himself gets confused about “my Muslim faith,” I take heart that he could finally make the hajj in a December Surprise.

A secular American Muslim dictatorship can give expansionist Islam a run for its money, and Obama already has mentioned his plan to annex an additional seven states. I also believe that in a way Obama could be good for national security. While I was at first hopeful for a Hillary nomination, given that the woman’s enemies have been known to disappear, I now believe that it could very well take Obama to finally get Osama. Bill Clinton didn’t do it. George W. couldn’t do it. But I think now that we elected Barack Obama to the presidency, Osama bin Laden will finally die. From laughing his ass off.

Indeed, the question isn’t whether America is ready for a black president, but whether it’s ready for a president whose middle name is Hussein and whose last name stresses the word “bomb.” Apparently, that’s exactly what we’re ready for. Repeat after me:


Land that I loathe.

Stand inside her,

And collide her,

With a Missile sent from Allah up above…”

Plus, with a black Muslim president, it’ll doubly dispel the popular notion that “Muslims are the new black man in America.” This concept has never made sense. If Muslims are the new black man, why are so many blacks converting to Islam? They don’t feel black enough? They don’t like Jews or dogs either? Or do they just want a piece of the lucrative Muslim-led African slave trade? Regardless, if the saying is “Once you go black, you don’t go back,” see what happens once you go Muslim. You can’t go back. Unless you’re Barack Obama, of course.

The semi-apostate Obama can walk on water indeed if he is still breathing after having left occasional Islam. The deification of him, meanwhile, lends Obama even more dictator creds — which manifested themselves most recently when he suggested that folks take election day off to vote — as the masses are required to do in places like Cuba. As well, a recent article noted that the unprecedented crowds that are a feature of Obama rallies are also a classic feature of third-world societies. For his part, Obama has repeatedly affirmed his third-world envy, citing third-way Europe as a model for America to follow. And being more like everyone else is precisely the “change” Americans crave. In Obama, they’ve got all the ingredients — Africa, communism, charisma and Islam.

Fortunately, we’ll have Michelle Obama to bring the messiah down to earth with her ongoing attempts to humanize him. First, she told us that he’s “snorey and stinky,” then that he leaves the butter out and can’t make the bed. In the family interview Michelle and the girls pointed out Obama’s unstylish shoes, a worn-out belt, and pants he’s had for 12 years. Coming soon as first lady: “You know, he’s got holes in his underwear — and will you look at that booger hanging off his nose! Just try counting the dandruff on that greasy head. Did you hear that? He totally just farted?” (Think of all the missed campaign slogans: “Send B.O. to the White House!” “America Deserves B.O.” “B.O. is for Me!”) Michelle’s efforts may have been too effective, prompting Barack to choose Joe Biden, who last year affirmed, “You got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean…”

We should be glad, meanwhile, that we averted the race riots that would have followed an Obama loss. Otherwise we may have had to repeat the Kenyan model, in which a presidential candidate whom Obama campaigned for, Raila Odinga, didn’t win but had his supporters go on a killing and torching rampage until Odinga was made prime minister in a power-sharing arrangement.

Now, if there’s one thing that communist and secular Muslim dictatorships have in common with Islamists, it’s their loathing of the homosexual — despite the latter being such themselves. Openly gay people are not tolerated, and by supporting Obama gays may have handed their conservative foes a victory unlike any imagined. Failing to recognize that it is their lot and luxury in life to rage against the white Christian society that allows them to, gays have opted to potentially unleash forces that, rather than argue, simply dropuppersecution only from one of their own, as evidenced by their love of gay-loathing Arabia. cement walls on them. Gays likewise will put with

As someone who has nothing against any races, ethnicities or sexual orientations, I welcome a President Obama. After all, some of my best friends are anti-Semites. And just because the man surrounds himself with a multicultural cornucopia of Jew-haters doesn’t mean that he himself hates Jews. Apparently, he just didn’t know there was anything wrong with it.

On that note, look what Obama has accomplished for the country with his candidacy alone: He has exposed just how many people here hate white people, America and Jews (they see in Obama the chance to change America’s “pro-Israel” policy and finally deliver us from the Holy Land). Indeed, all I ever asked was for people to be candid about these things rather than hide behind “enlightened” politics. Now, thanks to the unflinching support for Barack Obama, whose anti-America, anti-Israel, anti-white, anti-capitalist alliances have been brought to light, we can all see where we stand. This is a momentous time in American history indeed. That’s why this election year I made sure to do the typical Jewish thing and vote with Hezbollah. (My fellow Jews — whom do you want answering the phone at 3:00 a.m. — Obama or McCain — to decide whether to press the red button and nuke Israel?)

Candidate Obama has also managed to expose the extent of racism in this country. The racists give themselves away by mentally blocking out any compromising information about Obama. In other words, it has to be THIS black man and NOW — because apparently no other suitable black man will come along. So they’re settling for one who is 50% white and possibly only 6% black. That his Kenyan side is descended from slave traders shows how far we’ve come, America: about 360 degrees.

They say you’re racist if you don’t vote for Barack Obama. But all the racists I know about are voting for Barack Obama. (Whom do you think “Seinfeld’s” Michael Richards voted for after his N-word tirade last year? The white guy?) Indeed, Obama’s candidacy was messianic in that it offers absolution for racists everywhere.

The Obama candidacy has also achieved outing “Republican” Colin Powell as just another socialist brotha from the ‘hood, his endorsement also shedding light on Powell’s friendship with Saudi Prince Bandar, who bought Powell’s wife a Jaguar. Which begs the question: If I’m not friends with people who use the N-word, why is Colin Powell friends with Jew-killers? Like I said, all the racists voted for Obama.

Oprah Winfrey got into the Obama spirit, surprising her female viewership who thought she was their sister by coming out as a sistah instead. Condoleezza Rice decided to do the same for her last year in office. Obama of course enjoys lockstep support from black celebrities, including Chris Rock, Will Smith — and even Stevie Wonder. (Why Stevie, though? You’d think if anyone would be color-blind?)

Obama has downplayed the white side of his family, but as president he can make it up to us “typical white folks,” as he calls the half of his family that raised him when the black half took off. If he is truly egalitarian, since Obama spent the first half of his life being black, he should spend the second half being white. Because right now he ain’t representin’.

Especially since his father was the black parent while his mother was white. So according to Jewish law, he’s white.

This whole election year has given us a much welcome escape from worries about jihad and the people who are trying to kill all Americans — black, white and in between — while we have a 1960s-era conversation about race. It’s all been very provincial and quaint, and I’m sorry to see it end. Though with an Obama victory it won’t have to. For the widely held hope that electing a black president will heal racial divisions in the country is mistaken. After all, you couldn’t even go after Bill Clinton without Toni Morrison calling you a racist. On that note, it’s worth pointing out that the Obama candidacy also served up some poetic justice. The dusty Clintons became the victims of their self-created monster mentality, and as soon as a bigger and blacker communist came along, we saw how quickly the previous untouchables became “white” “establishment” “capitalist” freaks. The trick will be to get Obama to and through the White House safely. There have been widespread fears that he will be assassinated. Given that most black victims fall prey to black-on-black violence, and the Clintons were the first black president, I’d say it’s clear whom Obama needs to watch out for. (This notion became less farfetched once Hillary actually suggested it in June.)

Speaking of the Clintons, we can see from the Clinton and Bush administrations that the difference between a Democrat and a Republican is that it takes a Republican longer to do the wrong thing. So let’s not mourn a McCain loss too long. After all, why beat around the bush with McCain-Palin instead of installing men of action such as Obama-Biden? Bush wasted four years trying to be his own man and do the right thing, but in his second term he closed the policy gap between himself and Clinton, a policy gap that may prove even narrower between McCain and Obama.

In the end, a Barack Obama presidency could serve as a wake-up call for the country. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Like a drug addict, sometimes we need to hit rock bottom — or in this case, Barack Bottom — before we stop the self-loathing and misery-envying. After all, it took 9/11 for people to start appreciating what they had and loving this country again. So maybe having another disaster, such as a Barack Obama presidency, could put us back on track. If Barack Obama as won, then surely America deserves him. ExileStreet

Pundit, comedian and opinionist Julia Gorin is proprietor of www.JuliaGorin.com and is a contributing editor to www.JewishWorldReview.com. See Julia on the web at:

copyright 2008 Julia Gorin

4 Responses to “On the Bright Side ?”

  1. mychal Says:

    This is so obviously sour grapes that you should be ashamed of yourself; couldn’t you have been a little more savvy in your inability to accept that whiteness is no longer central? Also, it would help if you improved your sentence structure and learn to use of adverbs.

  2. Bertha Says:

    You are the only person that makes sense lately! Great column!
    GOD, not allah the moon god, bless America!

  3. Rantings and Ramblings From All Around.. » Blog Archive » Political Mavens » There They Go Again Says:

    […] » Blog Archive » On the Bright Side ? […]

  4. Dan Walters Says:

    Hello. Great job. I did not expect this on a Wednesday. This is a great story. Thanks!

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